Educational Ministry Testimony

Christian Leaders Institute embraces the journeys of Christians seeking ministry training. Meet Catalina Bertola. This is her story of how Christ changed her life and how she found access to Christian Leaders Institute

Testimony

My name is Catalina Bertola from Central Coast California, U.S.A.

For many years, I had considered going back to school to finish my degree in Psychology. I know that while my children are small and while my husband finishes his degree and begins his new career- my focus has to be on the home. I was also aware that going back to school would be a big financial burden in this season of life. Yet, I had this nagging longing to study and begin preparing for a future stage in life in which I might serve God more publicly through art, writing, counseling, youth ministry, and outreach. When I discovered Christian Leaders Institute through an online search, it was an answer to prayer. Since the courses are free and very flexible I can study for future ministry calling without negatively impacting my family now.

I was blessed to be raised by a mom who took me to church every Sunday and taught me the word of God. As a youth, I felt the Lord’s presence- praising whole heartedly and searching His word. As I entered my later teen years, my mental health began to crumble. I battled disturbing intrusive thoughts, depression, and fatigue. I struggled with being attracted to other girls and experiencing gender-dysphoria (an intense distress about my female body and a feeling of not truly being a girl). I began to question and doubt the faith which had once brought me so much joy and comfort.

I continued to spiral away from Christ and into self-destructive behaviors. I became involved in an unhealthy lesbain relationship, experimented with sex and drugs, self harmed, and numbed my mind by constantly scrolling through social media and binge-watching shows. I went from being a straight-A honors student to skipping class and staying in bed- wallowing in shame and crippling fear of my own mind.

Eventually, my parents took me in for Psychiatric evaluation. I was put on antidepressants, but they had an unintended side effect of swinging me into a manic state of frenzy. I began acting erratically and impulsively. Senior year of High School I made an attempt on my life and was hospitalized. While in the psychiatric treatment facility I met a girl who would later become a girlfriend. I moved in with her and she ended up being abusive- emotionally, financially, sexually, and physically. I was low before, but I was beaten down lower.

I adopted a hedonistic lifestyle- chasing after any cheap thrill that might distract from the brokenness I felt inside- drugs, perverse sex, theft, pornography, witchcraft, junk food and junk media. When I could not distract or satisfy myself I dissociated into a psychotic state. And often self- harmed or attempted suicide as an act of desperation. For about 2 years, I was in and out of short term mental illness treatment facilities and was eventually diagnosed at “Schizo-Affective Type Bipolar”. My life was full of constant chaos and pain.

I wish I could say, I woke up one day, heard God’s call, immediately dropped all my sin and returned to Him. Paul-like conversions make for a great story, but the reality of mine is more like the Israelites. A repetitive tale of God’s miraculous provision and guidance despite my disobedience and ingratitude. God called and I would take two steps toward Him, then turn back around and take a step back. But He kept forgiving and He kept calling.

Over the years I inched my way closer to the foot of the Cross. I still have a very long way to go to reach complete surrender, but He has completely changed my life.

What amazes me about our Savior is that even when I rejected Him, He found ways to get through to me. I believe there were several times I was saved from horrible circumstances. For example, once I went to a small punk-rock concert (as I often did) I suddenly had a sickening panic and felt that I had to flee the area immediately. I chalked it up to a new symptom of “mental illness.” Years later, I found out that some members of the band were involved with human trafficking. I know now that it was God intervening to protect me. Even when I would not pray, in a rare moment of stillness and quiet I could sometimes hear the Spirit gently convicting me of sin and guiding me toward the Truth.

The more I trust in Him, the more He shapes my life into something beautiful. I was told as a teen that I would never be able to live without heavily sedating antipsychotic drugs- but I have been medication free and sober for over 3 years. I thought a healthy, straight marriage was impossible for me- now I am happily married to my loving (and handsome) husband. I used to hate the fact I was a woman. I viewed my breasts and feminine hips with loathing. Now I am now birthing, nursing, and raising beautiful children. I used to want to create but lacked the mental clarity to be able to see any project through- now I’m creating artwork like I never dreamed would be possible.
It is all by the grace of God.

The best part is, I know God has more beauty and joy in store as I walk out the good works He has prepared for me. My mission now is mostly centered around the home as I raise small children. However, I also manage to squeeze in time for art-making. I’ve had the honor of displaying my art locally and online. Alongside my art, I get to share about God’s work in my life as much of what I create centers around my faith and my life experiences. I’m working on writing and illustrating children’s books which I hope to begin publishing soon.
If you want to see some of my work, you can view my artist website at catalinabertola.com

I’m not sure how God will use me in the future, but I want to be educated and prepared to serve well. Because of my life experience, I have a heart for youth, gay/ transgender individuals, and those with mental illness. My dream is to support hurting people directly through counseling, outreach, and small groups. As well as impact our society on a larger scale, via visual art, writing, and speaking.

Recently I found a teenage diary I wrote in as my mental health was just beginning to crumble. I wrote, “Lord, my prayer is that you would somehow use this pain for your glory.”
While shadows of shame and regret for my past still try to creep up on occasion- I am beginning to understand that God can use ANYthing for the good of His kingdom. I believe I am in a unique position to show the compassion and grace of God to hurting people in our world, because I know their pain. By the grace of God- I am free and I am excited to share that freedom with others!

The educational ministry of Christian Leaders Institute is preparing me for this important calling as I study to become a Life Coach Minister. If it were not for their program I simply would not have access to the education I need to fully live out my mission. I’m so grateful for the opportunity! Thank you, CLI!

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