God Showed Me How To Be Broken For Him

My name is Richard Queen. I am 33 years of age and live in the great state of Kentucky, in the USA. I am married to my high-school sweetheart and we have three wonderful and obnoxious children together. At the time of this writing, Chase is nine, Reagan is six, and Rylan is three. They keep us young and agile to say the least. But they are also the reason I write today.

Thankfully, I grew up in a Christian home, the oldest of four kids, and was saved at the ripe old age of seven. I took my Christian walk semi-seriously, having hot and cold times in my teen years, and never doing anything “that bad”. However, I was the typical Type A personality. Taking the verse completely out of context, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter” (Eccl 3:1). This was my life – everything planned. In fifth grade, I knew I wanted a college scholarship, so I made straight A’s for the rest of my education, and achieved that goal. I began college and laid out my roadmap, was married after my Sophomore year, Cum Laude upon graduation, immediately secured a job and began a career, we started our family and were on the way to the picture perfect life I had envisioned. By age 28, we had a boy and a girl and were building our dream home. The only problem was that I had done it all on my own, or at least gave myself the credit. I had forgotten how to have a daily walk with Jesus. And I had become so hardened and emotionless.

That’s when I heard words from my wife that were not in the plan and threw my life into a spiral, “I’m pregnant”. This was not in the plan – we were done at two – we hadn’t planned this in our home building – we were just beginning to get a little freedom back from our current toddler – we had sold or given away all baby items. Unfortunately, I did not see God’s sovereignty in the situation and I proceeded to make life miserable for the next nine months. Even when Rylan was born, I ashamedly still did not have room in my life for him.

To make a long story short, he became seriously ill at six weeks old and, while in intensive care, the doctors told us to prepare to lose him. I had a conversation with my earthly father that I will never forget where I admitted to my mistakes and acknowledged that I didn’t know I could love someone so much that I never even wanted. It was a low point. By the grace of God, 24 hours later, Rylan was smiling and recovering. I went to my pastor the next week and said my goal was to learn how to cry again. This is how hardened I had become.

Amazingly, God has done an incredible act of grace in my life over the last four years. I now cry at the drop of a hat. I am the CFO of an eighty physician, multi-specialty medical practice but this is not how I define myself. I am a follower of Jesus, a husband, a father, church member, a friend. I recognize the sovereignty of God in every area of my life and, while I so often fall short, I strive to reflect Jesus in the way I live (Mark 12:29-31).

I teach an adult Bible Fellowship class at church and I crave Bible study in my own life. At this time, I have no calling other than the Great Commission (Matt 28:19-20). With the words of James in my mind as well, that those who teach are called to a higher standard (Jam 3:1), I constantly study so that I may rightly handle the Word of truth (2 Tim 2:15). The Rabbis of the Talmudic period believed that study was the highest form of worship. I have found in my own life that study has led to admiration, and admiration to obedience (Brad Young, Jesus the Jewish Theologian). I am Reformed in my theology with a great passion for the early Jewish roots of Christianity.

If offered a scholarship from CLI, I hope to continue furthering my knowledge in scripture as well as my admiration for my Savior. The more I learn, the more I crave and, as Jeremiah wrote, I have a fire in my chest that I cannot hold back (Jer 20:9). I have a passion for teaching and passing on what God is showing me. I no longer try to plan the future but enjoy what God has blessed me with in the present. I look forward to seeing where He will take me as He uses me for His Kingdom. And, of course, Rylan is now daddy’s little boy.